Ara Wiseman


(Written by Nicole Amber)

Why do we sometimes seek to prove or gain proof of love when Love Is All That Is?

How often, if ever, do we demonstrate our love authentically?

Placing conditions on each other appears to be the norm nowadays, whether spoken of or not.

From an early age we have been conditioned to conform to the will of the people we have relationships with; possibly, as a means of survival and achieving harmony through acceptance – but often this behaviour has unwillingly led us to a lack of love consciousness.
We have been dictated to on how we ‘should’ think, feel, act and demonstrate love. From this, ‘pleasers’ are born. We have been led to believe that we have to prove our love through specific actions that will fulfill another’s void and their desire for us to fill it (and vice versa). We believe that only then are we worthy of receiving love and acceptance from those we love. This behaviour disempowers us and possibly strengthens abusive behaviour in The Name of Love.

Can we truly love when an unauthentic life breeds resentment toward others?

Our ‘pleaser’ motives can cause us resentment and in turn, we have expectations of others on how they ‘should’ express and prove their love to us. There are many books written about how people ‘should be’, should act, what they should or shouldn’t do for each other, etc.; while these ideas may be well-intended for the purpose of building and maintaining successful relationships, sometimes they come at the expense of honest communication.

So … we follow the ‘rules’ and give in to conditions … But what happens one year, two years, ten years later?

  • When we want to drop ‘the act’?
  • When we want to change how we experience our life together?
  • When we are finally comfortable being ourselves, expressing from our own unique voice?

Whatever it is … this sometimes leads to disputes in our relationships.


Because at this point, we don’t recognize in each other the authentic Being expressing. We ask, “Who is this person?” that we long ago labelled “husband, wife, father, mother, son, teacher or friend”. Instead of allowing for others, including ourselves, to be genuine, we place limited conditions on one another, based on our beliefs about how love is to be expressed between people.

How many of us have spent most of our lives being someone we’re not? Tending to others’ expectations, doing what they want us to in order to receive their approval and conditional love? Often, when we stop showing or ‘proving’ our love in the way people want us to, they may become hostile, disconnected or vanish from our life completely.

When we recognize this pattern in our own life, we can choose to transform it. We have to do something differently. Change begins with us, one-at-a-time. One way is to strive not to have expectations in relationships, to stop seeking proof of love and to allow people to be and express how they choose to. It is an uplifting feeling to be real, without agenda. Each day, we can look forward to experiencing the many ways the people in our life choose to express their love and joy. It becomes our privilege to take part in this beautiful unfolding.

So how do we begin to express ourselves authentically?

One way to get in touch with our authentic voice and its expression is to remember that there’s truly only One Source of Love. Our relationships are the vehicles assisting us in connecting to this Source.

However, on a practical level, we can also reflect on our experiences with people we love who in our experience left us feeling disappointed or heartbroken. If we were to do it all over again, what would we do differently, knowing what we know today?
Would we be willing to

  • continuously intend a harmonious and loving relationship?
  • give more, expect less, and receive in a balanced way?
  • ensure that what we do for another is through our free-will, without agenda of a return?
  • choose to open our heart and express authentically, risking rejection?
  • drop our expectations of what the other person should be doing for us and instead look forward to the spontaneous unfolding of experiencing this journey together?

It is even more important to remember and acknowledge what we consider our successful relationships. When we reflect on what makes them successful and if we delve deep enough, we will find that it is in our most ‘real’ moments with each other that we experience and share true love. This is the seed level from which the higher vibration of unconditional love can be revealed.

~ Nicole Amber

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